Friday, February 24, 2012

Protective Parenting


In this life many of us fall. There's a saying: 'Whenever you fall, don't fall as a tree, fall as a seed, so that you can germinate again into a tree'. The only reason we fall as trees and not as seeds is because we don't have the right kind of guidance in our daily lives and this starts with parents. As parents, our guidance towards the children has deteriorated so much that the children are now guiding the parents. The children are now instructing the parents what to do, what they want, and the parents are so weak that they let the children do exactly what they want.

I had a situation when a mother came crying to me regarding her child. Within myself I know she's a good mother, but she failed as a parent. To be a parent is not to be a mother. Remember that. Many of us think that if we are mothers, we are parents. Mothers have many weaknesses. Parents should not have any. Understand that. And many times we are caught in a situation where we don't know whether we are parents or mothers and we bring up our child with motherly guidance, with motherly divinity, but no parenting at all.

What is parenting? Parenting literally means 'policing'. When I say policing I'm not talking about handcuffs, I'm talking about intelligence. You watch your child and know everything that your child is doing. Her child, who is only in grade six, had been carrying an adult movie for four months in her school bag and the parent did not know about it. That is what parenting is all about. About looking into your child's bag. When I asked the mother why she didn't check the bag, she said 'It's her private life, the bag'. So why cry in front of me?

We have failed miserably as parents. We might be liberal parents, we might be strict parents, in all that we have still failed because we don't know how to parent.

I have a simple divine request to all parents here who have children in high school or primary school: do not become victims. Disconnect your DVD player. Take away the cellphone. I'm saying this because when I heard this story I actually hit myself – that in grade six we could have such a situation. All to do with parenting. Nothing else. All parents you should just get up from that comfort zone you're seated in, thinking that your child is the only sane, divine one in this world. Get out of that zone. When I went to school to investigate the incident, the teacher told me that this child has never faulted one day in school. This is the best child in school. See how good the children are, even teachers can't catch them. The principal said to me 'This has never happened in my school before'. I told him that if we hadn't caught this you would've said it never happened in your school. He went on to say that sixty percent of primary school children in Phoenix walk around with adult movies in their bags. What have the parents done? We are growing a new generation of teenagers who'll know everything about life before they've even left primary school. They won't need to learn biology in high school because they have already qualified in every aspect during primary school. Again – parenting.

Why do some of us seated here have such good children? Why can some mothers and fathers stand up here and say, 'my child is the best,' and prove it - and others can't? Because you faulted as a parent. You gave your child things too early in life. Like a cellphone. some children carry two cellphones in case they miss a call on one. I've seen it in the ashram. I don't talk about it anymore because I've done my best. Parents still give their child a cellphone, but that's their problem now.

Time is running out on all of us. Days are becoming shorter than they usually are. I'm asking you to protect your children. That's all. Do not be responsible for the cultivation of the generation of a new kind of population, a new kind of politicians. Even politicians got caught in India in parliament - three of them were watching an adult movie on their camera while parliament was on. We are generating these kinds of politicians and ambassadors of the future. I had to go to school and tell the principal that we need to counsel this child because she watched these movies. He said, 'There's nothing we can do'. I said, 'We'll have to go to the authorities then,' and then he said that he would organise welfare counseling.

Why should the teachers do the parents' job, they are only teachers - that is what they are thinking. Please, all of you, listen to what I'm saying. Instead of giving your child a cellphone, give your child a pocket Bhagavad Gita. If they need an SMS, they can flip to the pages of the lovely Bhagavad Gita SMSes there. Beautiful ones. Nobody can send SMSes like that. You'll get one SMS every day that will make your day.

Another new thing that has taken over our youth and our community is BBM. No matter where you see a child, he has a Blackberry, not a redberry or a white berry, a Blackberry. Black already has a negative significance. They had a 'black book' at school and put your name there if you did something wrong. They BBM each other beautiful texts. They can't speak in the language they're texting but have adjusted their minds to read it. If your child has a Blackberry, that's his first introduction to adult movies, a beautiful introduction – in colour.

When your child locks his or her door, remember that whatever is happening inside that room is good-for-nothing. Understand that, because the mother said to me, 'I didn't know. She used to lock her room and say she's resting'. Why do you need to lock your room to rest? When a child locks their room they're up to no good. Break that door down and you'll find out. All of us need to understand that as parents, because no parent will just walk into their child's room if the door is unlocked. They don't do that. I live in that house in the back there. Clinton will tell you that I can count the number of times I've been in my childrens' rooms. I have no business in their rooms, but they have no business locking their doors. It's called mutual trust. If they lock their room then I worry that they are up to no good. So please parents, as you can see, everything that we have been talking about for the last three weeks is to do with the teenagers, the schoolgoers and you as parents.

God has given each of you beautiful gifts in your children. Just as you would nurture and look after gifts, that's what you should do with your children. Be protective over them. Police them for as long as they are under your wing.

Hari om.

Friday, February 17, 2012

The Greatest Love

Hari Om.

You know, I was thinking about the difference between love and the bank. They are so similar, yet there's a big difference. When you have enough money in the bank, then they want to give you more. When you have no money, then they won't give you any. When you have enough love, you don't need any love. But when you have no love, you search for love.

Osho said, 'How true is this love?' Do you really know the meaning of love, and if you know the meaning, does the other person love you as much as you love them? So you are fully occupied with this idea: 'Am I getting as much love as I should be having in this relationship?' And it continues for a long time this thought, this constant thought in your head, 'I love him so much. Does he love me as much?' And just as the interest you owe the bank adds up, when you don't pay them they attach everything you own, it's the same with love. Eventually this idea you have that the person you love doesn't love you as much, destroys you. So you become totally destroyed, and an emotional wreck.

Osho also said that if you really want to enjoy love, seek it when you have enough of it, when you don't need it, and you'll find the right one. Love is not two strangers meeting each other. Love doesn't happen at first sight. It's a growing process. You need to acquaint yourself first, know the person first, understand the person first, and then develop a relationship that you can call love.

Anything that has to change, needs to grow. So anything that grows has changed. And anything that does not grow is dead. Love is like that. As long as it's not growing it's dead. If you look around you, the reason we say the tree is still alive is because it's changing and growing. The day it stops growing and the branches go brown, we say it's dead and we cut it down. As long as it doesn't stop growing, it's alive. The day it stops growing it's not alive at all.

So we need to cultivate this love for God, not for human beings. No human being can love another human being. We use these words loosely. If you are going to the park with your boyfriend or girlfriend you say 'I love you,' fifty times because you don't have anything else to say. You can't talk about how the atom bomb was manufactured because you don't know.

With God you don't have to say 'I love you'. And God won't tell you that He loves you because He doesn't need to. The fact that He gave you this human body means that He loves you dearly. It is God's gift to you. He has put you here for free. He gave you free sunshine but the municipality charges you for electricity. He's given you rain and the municipality charges you for water. Not one day did God ask for it back, or ask you to pay for it. So He constantly loves you and He's given you this thing called 'prana', which He gave to the Sun first. He has not restricted you in that. He's allowed you to breathe as fast as you want or as slow as you want, so you can live as long as you want by your breath. That is the greatest love.

Hari Om.